Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
