you traded sex for a burrito?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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