I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This baby is an asshole
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
