If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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