your parents love me but you hate me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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