his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
