...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
