it wasn't lemon gatorade
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
