So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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