hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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