This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
