Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
