wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am mentally ready for anal.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
