so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
