gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
