If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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