im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
