Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So many bounce houses so little time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
