be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
