Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
