just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
