The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
