tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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