Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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