If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
