Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
