Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
