No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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