why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
