so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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