he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
