Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think I won the penis lottery.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
