grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
