when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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