Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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