I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
