I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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