what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
