i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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