All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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