Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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