yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
