you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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