My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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