In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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