i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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