A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
