Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
