well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
