Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
